Katia Raina

The Magic Mirror

Awake and Dreaming

My manuscript is out of my hands. Now, according to the popular wisdom, I must live my life and be happy and NOT wait, not dream, not hope. The watched pot doesn’t boil. So true. Yet the thoughts, the questions creep in, sometimes in the middle of the day, sometimes first thing in the morning. What will happen . . . how will it happen and when, and will it happen??? . . .

This hasn’t been the best weekend. I can hear my daughter coughing and sniffing upstairs. Her cold-virus-whatever thing isn’t going away. It is 5:39 in the morning, and there are so many things that I can do. Dust the entire downstairs. Get back to my next Work-In-Progress and have fun there! Whip out a short story, for God’s sake. Go back to my sweet hubby to sleep. Instead, I am doing nothing. Why is it that I know of so many better, more productive ways to spend my time right now, and still, here I am a zombie wandering aimlessly through cyberspace?   

I am tempted to get all superstitious in these weird ways that I sometimes do. As in, if I change my screen saver, will the image of spring bring more good things?

I am keeping the oldscreen saver. I am going to put a big smile on my face – or at least on my screen  🙂 here we go! I am going to say, it’s all right, self, you’re just living your life, darling. Life is messy in all kinds of ways. Hey, at least I have blogged, though I have no idea what I even wrote. I tell myself, this morning I am going to figure it all out. I’ll keep pumping my daughter with liquids and homeopathy and medicine all day. She can’t be sick forever. I tell myself, I’ll clean. I’ll shop. Maybe I’ll even write a little?

I am scared. But I tell myself, things are going to happen. They can’t help but happen – that’s just the way it works.

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January 24, 2010 - Posted by | Personal Mirror

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